And That is Why
by limeorcoconut
Summary: Reid and Prentiss are trapped in a basement together when Reid admits his darkest secret. Warning: Mentions of rape.
1. The Fear

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds**_

_**Warning: Has mentions of rape. If this offends you please don't read.**_

And That is Why

Prentiss struggled against the ropes that bound her wrists, twisting her arms this way and that as an attempt to loosen them but to no avail. Her head was pounding and the heavy breathing that came from somewhere across the room did nothing to soothe her blaring headache. The room was filled with complete darkness and if not for the shallow breaths Prentiss would have believed she was entirely alone. The breathing began to quicken, almost sounding as if the person were on the verge of a panic attack. That is when her brain made the connection, who else would be nearly hysterical in the dark room. "Reid?" she questioned although she was ninety-nine percent sure he was indeed the other occupant in the room.

"Prentiss!" Reid replied, the relief in his voice evident.

"Ya, are you okay?" He didn't reply for a moment which concerned Prentiss and just when she was about to ask again she heard his answer.

"Ummm ya, I just have a hard time with the dark." It was no secret to any member of the team that Reid's greatest fear was the dark.

"Why?" Prentiss asked. His breathing had slowed so Prentiss figured if she kept him talking that perhaps she could keep him calm until help arrived.

"Why what?" Reid asked.

"You know for a genius, you're easily confused," Prentiss laughed. If not for the darkness that surrounded them Prentiss would have been able to see Reid wrinkle his brow in confusion. "Why are you afraid of the dark?" Prentiss asked, clarifying for the young genius.

"I don't know, I just am."

"There has to be a reason," Prentiss urged, her headache almost completely forgotten.

"Why? I mean tons of people are afraid of the dark and I doubt that a large percent of them has any specific reason."

"Yes, but a large percentage of the people who are afraid of the dark are under ten Reid. You must have a reason to still be afraid of the dark at 26 years old." Reid shrugged in the dark before replying,

"When you have a job like ours, how could you not be afraid of the dark?" Prentiss thought about that, the kid made a good point. She still wasn't convinced that it was the actual cause of his fear though.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I just thought it might help," Prentiss said as she leaned her head back against the wall. The room fell into silence as Prentiss again became distracted with loosening her bounds. Slowly Reid's breathing began to pick up once again before he finally blurted out,

"It's what I can't see!" Prentiss stilled her hands and turned her head in his direction as if she could actually see him.

"What?" she asked slightly confused.

Reid took a deep breath before continuing. "It's not the dark that I am afraid of, I'm afraid of everything that is hidden in its depths." Prentiss nodded understandingly, a pointless action of course. Remembering that she couldn't be seen she spoke instead,

"Go on," she encouraged.

Reid sighed; obviously Prentiss wasn't going to let this go. "I never used to be afraid of the dark. In fact I loved the dark because I was invisible, no one could see what I was thinking or feeling. I preferred to be concealed by the shadows because people left me alone, and as much as I hated to be alone it was always better than being the centre of attention, tied to a goal post or something equally as embarrassing." After his short monologue Reid was quiet for a few moments.

"What changed?" Prentiss prodded.

"You really want to know?" Reid asked obviously still unsure if he wanted to share.

"I really do," she replied sincerely. Reid seemed to think it over slightly before continuing.

"You see the problem with an eidetic memory is that as helpful as it can be sometimes there are things you wish you could forget." Prentiss leaned forward listening intently as Reid began to tell her of his most horrific childhood memory.

"After my father left, it was just me and my mother. I was left to cook and clean and care for her. Every day I had to encourage her to get out of bed. It was a lot of work for a kid like me, no matter how smart I was. And not only did I have to take care of her, but I had school work to do, it wasn't easy being the only eleven year old in the twelfth grade you know." Prentiss wasn't really sure where this story was going. She knew about his childhood, that he had been left to care for his mother but she had no idea how any of this could relate to a fear of darkness. Instead of questioning where all of this was going she decided to let him take his time.

"We had this neighbor who lived a couple houses down; he always seemed to be at home, sitting in the rocking chair on his front porch. He must have worked to be able to afford a house in our neighborhood and yet he was always there," Reid recalled. "One day when I was hurrying home from school, I wasn't watching where I was going and I bumped into him. He was getting his mail off the sidewalk and I just ran right into him. I mumbled my apologies and went to step around him but he stopped me. I looked up at him and he just smiled at me. It was comforting. No one ever smiled at me except my mom. Everyone on our block new my situation, but no one seemed to care. So when he offered his help I accepted it immediately. He would come over to the house at night and help with cooking and cleaning. And while I did my homework he would help my mom with anything she needed. We had a system and it worked really well, he was like a second father to me. It never occurred to me though that he might want something in return." Reid got quiet then, as if suddenly deciding that the rest of the story was irrelevant. The room was silent for awhile.

"What did he want?" Prentiss wondered aloud. Reid sighed. He had been hoping she would drop the subject but he should have known better. Prentiss had always been too curious for her own good.

"Me."

"What?" Prentiss questioned slightly confused.

"He wanted me," Reid exclaimed. "One night after I had been in bed for nearly two hours he crept silently into my room and shook me awake. He told me to keep quiet and kept reassuring me that everything was going to be okay. And then he just climbed on top of me holding my hands above my head and began undressing me. He would whisper quietly in my ear shushing me and making me promise to never tell. I was so scared and I couldn't see anything, never knew what he was going to do next, where he was going to touch next. When it was over he just left, never said a word until the next time and the next time and the next time…" Reid explained as his voice began to trail off. Prentiss was crying now, silently of course. How could anyone ever do that to Reid?

"Did you ever tell anyone?"

"Ya…. you," Reid said sadly.

"Reid how could you let him do that to you and never tell a single soul until now."

"Because he helped her in ways I couldn't. He took care of her and he took care of me. It felt like a small price to pay to save my mom. But that's why I eventually sent her away, I couldn't have him in my life forever and it seemed the only way to get him out was to get her out."

"He assaulted you for seven years?" Prentiss asked completely astonished that Reid would allow it to continue for so long.

"What, no! He stopped when I was fifteen. I don't know why, I never really asked. Maybe younger boys were more his thing. But I still wanted him out of my life, to not be reminded of our history every day of my life. I sent my mother away Prentiss! I sent her away to live in a mental institution all by herself. How selfish was that?" Reid was full out sobbing now. Prentiss hated to hear him cry, especially when she couldn't even walk over there and comfort him.

"Reid you were in no way being selfish. You shouldn't have had to deal with that ever, let alone for seven years. I'm so sorry Reid."

"Don't be. He helped her. But ever since then I have hated the unknown, hated not being able to see when he snuck into my room, hated not being able to escape from his tight grip. I hate the dark."

"Reid, I…" Prentiss was cut off when the basement door was busted through and streams of light filled the room. Hotch ran to Prentiss, untying her bloodied wrists quickly before helping her up as he took in her ragged appearance.

"Are you okay," Hotch asked concern written all over his face. Prentiss looked over to Reid who was being helped up with the aid of Morgan. He was looking at her pleadingly with an expression that could only be understood as 'please never tell, I trust you.' Prentiss nodded in his direction with a slight smile, a silent promise, before turning back to Hotch. "Ya, I'll be fine."

**A/N: Just a short little fic that I wrote in order to procrastinate from homework. I am sure that many fics have been written regarding Reid's fear of the dark but I just wanted to add my own twist. Hope everyone enjoyed, please review.**


	2. Promises to Keep

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds **_

_**So I have had a few requests to turn this story into a multi chapter. After much debate I have decided to give it a go. I have no idea how many chapters it will be, but I already have a few drafted. Hope it lives up to the expectations of those who requested more chapters.**_

Promises to Keep

Sunlight. It was blinding after being succumbed to the darkness for so many hours. Emily squinted against the harsh light as Hotch led her to one of the nearby ambulances. Her mind was reeling with everything that Reid had just told her. How could he have kept something so dark and hurtful to himself all these years? She was almost angry at him for not sharing, for allowing the anger and betrayal to build up inside him for so long. Could she blame him though? Had she not done the same thing with the abortion and with Doyle? She shook her head. It was different. People had known about her past, she had shared with people, even if those people hadn't been her team. Emily's thoughts came back to the present as she stumbled over the edge of the sidewalk, remembering that she was walking somewhere.

"I'm fine," Emily protested as Hotch helped her sit on the back of the ambulance. She pulled her arm from his grasp, annoyed at the attention. She could handle herself, she was a very capable agent.

"You're bleeding Emily," Hotch argued. Emily moved her hand to her head, feeling the dry blood that had accumulated on her forehead. Emily rolled her eyes, "It's hardly the first time I've bumped my head," she stated as she began to stand. Hotch grabbed her arms and pushed her back down gently.

"Please just have them look at your head and then you can continue saving the world," Hotch said. Emily sighed in frustration. She obviously wasn't going anywhere until the medics cleared her so she crossed her arms and sat quietly while the medics checked her over. Emily tapped her foot impatiently as she waited to be cleared; she really needed to check on Reid. She wasn't even positive he had been hurt, but the emotional turmoil of everything was sure to have affected him. After what seemed like ages the medic finally let her go. She stood up slowly, her head pounding behind her eyelids. The headache has returned in full swing now that Reid wasn't there as a distraction. She leaned against the back of the ambulance where Reid was being checked over, Morgan at his side. Reid avoided eye contact with her. She wasn't sure if it was because his mind was elsewhere and he hadn't noticed her presence, or if he was doing it because of what he had told her, she assumed it was the latter. She knew Reid didn't want her pity, her protection. He wanted her to act normal, be the same Emily she always had. She bit her lip in thought. How in the hell was she supposed to pretend like nothing had ever happened, when he had just shared the darkest secret in his life?

* * *

Reid was berating himself. He should have kept his mouth shut. He has been avoiding Emily for the past two days but it hadn't been easy. Yesterday she had cornered him at the coffee counter asking him to lunch but he had easily turned the invitation down with some excuse about mountains of paper work. Later on in the afternoon she had asked him if he wanted to talk but he had simply avoided eye contact, shaking his head negatively, hoping she would get the hint and leave him alone. He heard her sigh in return but none the less she didn't protest. Today was a different story. She had been glancing over at him every few minutes all morning and it was irritating to say the least. He wasn't a baby, he could handle this, he had been handling it for the last sixteen years, and he had been just fine. One moment of weakness and he had shared the one thing he vowed he never would.

He had been feeling vulnerable and weak in the dark basement, just as he had felt all those years ago, hidden beneath the sheets praying that he would be alone all night, that no unwelcomed visitors would be joining him. He hadn't known that anyone was in the basement with him, hadn't known that Emily sat only a few feet away. If he had then perhaps he would have kept his breathing under control, masked his fear by spouting facts about seashells or vampires. But he hadn't known, hadn't had the slightest inkling that Emily was sitting down there about to hear his darkest secret. At the time he had welcomed the idea of someone knowing. Maybe now it wouldn't hurt so much, wouldn't eat at his conscience every day. If he had to tell anyone, he was glad it would be Emily, she wouldn't judge, wouldn't treat him like a baby. But now as he sat as his desk he realized he had been wrong. He shouldn't have said a word. Because even now, as she was again focused on the work in front of her instead of him, she was biting her nails, a sure sign she was bothered by something, and he knew it was him.

* * *

Prentiss threw back two extra strength Tylenol before taking a long drink from her water bottle. She set the water bottle on the sink before taking a moment to close her eyes and take a deep breath. Her head was pounding, but as the days passed it became more of a distraction then a bother. She needed something to keep her mind of Reid. She was worried about him, about their friendship. He hadn't said anything to her in the past two days besides some mumbled excuse about paperwork. It wasn't like him. Usually she had to beg him to shut up so she could get her work done. She had done her best all day to treat him like normal, but it wasn't easy when he wasn't acting normal.

"You okay Em?" Emily startled at JJ's voice. She hadn't heard the bathroom door open but then again she had been so distracted lately she hadn't noticed much of anything.

"Ya, I'm fine. I just needed a minute to myself." Emily turned to face JJ and offered her a smile. JJ smiled in return, but Emily knew JJ didn't believe her. It was times like these she hated working with profilers. "JJ really I'm fine, I'll be out in a minute."

"Okay," JJ said before she turned on her heel and exited the bathroom. Emily let out a sigh of relief as she turned back towards the mirror. She needed to get a grip, needed to start acting like her usual self. If she didn't the team would get nosey, and it wouldn't be long before everyone was on her ass, questioning if she was okay. She splashed her face with some water and put on the best smile she could. It wasn't as convincing as she would have liked but it would have to do because even if she and Reid were at odds at the moment, she had a promise to keep.

* * *

JJ stretched her arms high above her head as she leaned back in her desk chair. There were stacks of paper scattered about her desk but at this particular moment she couldn't make herself care. She had other things on her mind besides unsubs and reports. Something was going on with Emily and Reid and she wanted to know what it was. She hadn't been one for gossip before her days at the BAU, but now she welcomed it as a distraction from the horror that was her every day job. Maybe Garcia would know what was going on... after all she was the queen of gossip.

JJ marched into Garcia's office purposefully, forgetting to knock. She stifled a laugh as she watched Garcia close her computer games and blogs in a panic before whirling around in her chair. "JJ, you scared the crap out of me! I thought you were Hotch!"

"Maybe if you weren't wasting precious bureau time by playing games you wouldn't have to worry about who was at your door," JJ said, trying not to break a smile.

"Jeez, now you're even sounding like Hotch. What can I do for you my pretty?" Garcia asked, happy to have a task.

"Nothing really, I was just wondering if you noticed anything weird about anyone on the team?"

"Well honey you are going to have to be a little more specific than that, because if you ask me everyone on the team is a little weird." Garcia said lightly, before turning serious when she noticed the sombre look on JJ's face. "What is it JJ?"

"I don't know if it's anything. It's just Emily and Reid have been acting weird since they were locked up in the basement and I'm worried about them."

"JJ, they were just at the hands of an unsub two days ago, they probably have a lot on their minds. Who knows what they went through in that grungy basement all by themselves? Give them time, they'll come around you'll see." JJ nodded. Garcia was right. It wasn't often that Garcia was the calm and rationale one, but when she was, she was usually right.

"Thank Garcia," JJ said before she exited the office. She would just have to trust Garcia for now... what other choice did she have?

_Thanks for reading and please leave a review :)_


	3. Miles to go Before I Sleep

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds **_

And Miles to Go Before I sleep

Reid was sweating. He could hear the steady breathing of another presence in the room, the heavy footsteps as they neared his bed. He clenched his eyes shut tightly, pretending to be asleep. Maybe if he was asleep then Nigel would leave him alone. But it wasn't meant to be, because the next thing he knew, the man had crawled into bed beside him, his rough hands moving towards Reid's thigh.

Reid startled awake. He wiped the cold sweat from his forehead and clenched his eyes shut as he tried to get his breathing under control. Damn Emily. He had repressed these memories long ago, learned to ignore the thoughts in the back of his mind, learned to deal with the rare nightmares that invaded his sleep. But now they were back, every hour of the night, like a record set on repeat. He wouldn't sleep again tonight, of that he was sure. He reached for his cell phone on the nightstand. If he wasn't going to get any sleep then neither was she, after all this was her fault, she had asked, made him tell, and now he is suffering, with something that may never go away.

The phone rings seven times before she answers it. He knows that she was likely asleep, dreaming of sugar plums or whatever it was that people dreamed of who weren't as damaged as he. He is surprised when she answers the phone, fully alert, not groggy like someone who had just woken. He looks at the clock, 2:47. What is she doing awake at such a late hour? Perhaps she has company that he is taking her away from. Suddenly he feels guilty. This isn't her fault; she had only wanted to help. So why is he blaming her? Why is he directing his anger towards her? He moves to hang up the phone but her voice stops him. "Reid?" She questions, her voice sounding almost desperate. He sighs inwardly. He could still hang up, make up some excuse tomorrow about hitting speed dial in his sleep. But he needs to talk, maybe even cry and he knows that she is the only one who will understand.

* * *

Emily drags her feet as she pushes through the doors of the BAU. She is beyond tired. Between her own guilt and Reid calling her at 2:30 this morning, she is lucky if she got even an hour sleep. She isn't angry though. He had needed her, needed someone to talk to. He hadn't said much at first, the silence between them seemed to have lasted for an eternity, but he had finally spoken. First he had asked about Sergio and then asked why she was awake, asked if he was keeping her away from someone. She had answered his questions, not wanting to pressure him into telling her why he had actually called. She could hear the strain in his voice, like he wanted to talk about it, but she didn't pry, because she knew that was one thing he respected about her.

Eventually he had opened up, shared his nightmare with her. Then he had done something unexpected. He had yelled at her, cursed her for bringing these memories back. She hadn't argued. She knew this was something he needed to do and she had let him. Then the phone was silent. He apologized before hanging up. He hadn't called back, she hadn't really expected him too. It did however leave her uneasy about the day ahead; she had no idea where the two of them stood. She dragged herself to her desk, letting her suitcase drop to the floor. She was unsurprised to see that the only other person there was Hotch. Maybe she could use this time alone to catch up on paper work before the others arrived.

* * *

Hotch watched as Emily moved slowly towards her desk, letting out a yawn before she sat down. Something had been bothering her the last few days and he had no idea what. Maybe her headache was worse than she had let on. Perhaps he should order her to take another trip to the hospital. He shook his head, it wouldn't do any good. She was a big girl, she could take care of herself. Ordering her back to the hospital would only lead to an argument between them. He would have to keep an eye on her though. She already looked completely drained, a few more days of this and she would be too exhausted to be of any use to the team. Maybe he should ask Rossi, Rossi always knew what to do.

Rossi wasn't surprised to see Aaron waiting in his office when he arrived and he was even less surprised when he asked about Emily. There was something going on with Emily and Reid, it didn't take a profiler to see that. Rossi also knew that Hotch had trouble with these situations. He didn't like to see his team at odds with one another and yet he seldom knew what to do about it. His usual solution was to take the blame himself, but this wasn't a situation where that was a possibility. Rossi didn't say anything as he sat in his desk chair, he just raised an eyebrow and waited for Hotch to begin.

"Is something going on with Emily?" Hotch asked bluntly, he was never one to beat around the bush.

"If by Emily, you mean Reid _and_ Emily, then yes," Rossi answered. Hotch's eyebrows rose in surprise. He hadn't noticed any strange behavior from Reid.

"Reid? What? What's going on with Reid?" Hotch asked, knocked off balance. He had been proud of himself for noticing Emily was off, how had he failed to notice Reid?

Rossi shrugged. "I don't know what is going on with either of them, but it's been going on since their short abduction experience," Rossi explained.

"You don't think that something happened to them that they aren't telling us do you?"

"They are both very private people Aaron. They will talk about it when they're ready."

"So I shouldn't pry?" Hotch asked though it was more of a statement then a question. Rossi shrugged again. "Do whatever you think is best Aaron, but if I were you, I'd let them come to you." Hotch nodded. Rossi was probably right, it was likely none of his business.

Rossi watched as Hotch left the room, a puzzled look on his face. Rossi wasn't sure what was going on but he was sure they would all know eventually, it wasn't easy to keep a secret amongst a team of profilers.

**Thanks for reading, and please leave a review :)**


	4. A Time to Talk

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds **_

A Time to Talk

JJ scurried through the bullpen towards the conference room, alerting everyone that they had a case. She heard the simultaneous groans throughout the bullpen. It was a Friday afternoon and she knew that everyone would be disappointed, but this case simply couldn't wait. She waited for everyone to gather around the table in their usual spots before she began.

"Three children between the ages 8 and 11 have been found in Atwood, Kansas. The first victim is Brady Plaskett, an eleven year old boy who went missing fourteen days ago. The second victim is Joshua Delaney, a ten year old boy abducted from the grocery store seven days ago and the third victim is Garrett Dawson an eight year old boy who never returned home from school yesterday. None of the bodies have been found so there is a small hope that they are just being abducted and not killed," JJ said as she scrolled through the pictures of the three boys.

"Fourteen days is a long time to keep a child alive," Morgan stated.

"The recovery rate of missing children has grown exponentially in the past few years," Rossi retorted.

"But fourteen days, come on Rossi, even you know the odds aren't good."

"Why wait two weeks to call in the FBI?" Prentiss wondered aloud.

"Well when the first boy went missing it was suspected that it was the father due to an upcoming custody trial. It was a messy divorce and the mother is fighting for full custody, the police thought they could handle it. The second boy had a similar story but when the third boy went missing it became clear to the police that the FBI's involvement was necessary," JJ explained.

"So the unsub is abducting boys from recently divorced families to make it appear as though one of the family members has taken them. This gives the unsub plenty of time to take the child and hide him anywhere, potentially over state lines, before the police begin looking at suspects outside the family" Morgan added.

"Looks that way."

"Okay everyone, get your things together. Wheels up in thirty," Hotch said already standing and moving toward the door.

Emily sat in her seat tapping her foot rapidly as she picked at her finger nail. She could not believe their luck. This is the last case they needed right now. Sure there was no proof of sexual assault, but more than 50 percent of stereotypical abduction cases concerning children involved sexual assault. And while the team had worked this type of case more times than Emily would have liked, this was definitely not something she was sure she could handle right now. She glanced over at Reid who was sitting by himself in the back corner of the jet pretending to read the newspaper. He wasn't fooling anyone though. He hadn't flipped the page in nearly 15 minutes, and Emily knew she wasn't the only one watching him in concern.

"Everything alright Emily?" Morgan asked nearly an hour later breaking the silence on the plane. She looked up from her fingernails startled and noticed that Morgan and she were now alone at the table. Rossi and JJ had moved to the jet kitchen to make coffee, and Hotch was sitting across the aisle from them poring over the case file.

"Hmmm?" Emily questioned pretending to not have heard what he asked.

"I asked if everything is alright. You're picking your nails again; you're distracted and a great deal quieter than normal."

"Ya well you know how these cases are; no one ever likes hearing about missing children." And with that she buried her face in a case file indicating the conversation was over. Unfortunately Morgan could not take a hint.

"What happened to you and Reid in that basement?"

"What?" Emily asked looking up. "Nothing! We were barely down there an hour."

"It was more than an hour and the two of you have been awfully distracted since then."

"Well it's not every day you get abducted by an unsub Morgan. Give us some time. We will be fine."

"Well you might be, but I am worried about Reid. He's had difficulty with these sorts of things in the past."

"I'm sure he is fine Morgan. It's Reid, who knows what's going on in his mind."

"He hasn't said one word to anyone since JJ gave us the case. Usually he is sitting up here spouting useless facts about the case, but today he is sitting at the back of the jet all alone and you're telling me you have no idea why?"

"No."

"Well I'm going to figure it out, make sure he is doing okay."

"He isn't a child Morgan, stop treating him like one!" Emily half yelled. Morgan threw his hands up in surrender.

"Jeez, I'm sorry for being concerned."

"You should be," Emily huffed as she crossed her arms.

Reid could hear Morgan and Emily chatting from his seat at the back of the plane, but it wasn't until he heard his name that he really began to listen. He heard Morgan grilling her about the abduction, and was suddenly very appreciative of the seat he had chosen. He hadn't been expecting a case like this. In his 8 years with the BAU he had worked on 15 stereotypical kidnapping cases that involved children and 4 that involved family. That was 19 total cases, just over two a year. The probability of the first case after being stuck in that basement involving children was extremely low, and possibly sexually abused children even lower still and yet here he was. His mind was spinning. He had barely been able to focus as it was over the past four days, and now he was going to have to dive into a case that was surely going to distract him further. Maybe if he was lucky the case would be solved by the time they landed in Kansas, but being the brain that he was, he knew the probability of that was next to nothing, and lately luck hadn't really been on his side.

When the jet landed the entire team began hustling to get their things together; the entire team that is, minus Emily. She slowly picked up her papers from the table top one by one and stacked them neatly before placing them in the file folder. Then as she turned to pick her bag up off the floor she pretended to accidently knock the file folder from the table where the papers scattered everywhere, and she began the process all over again. When Hotch bent over to help her she shooed him away and slowly but surely there was only two agents left on the plane, exactly how Emily wanted it.

Reid watched as Emily's papers floated to the ground. He knew what she was doing; she was attempting to corner him before he could get off the jet. He threw his papers haphazardly into his brief case, grabbed his jacket and started to make a beeline for the doors before she could stop him. Unfortunately for Reid while he shone in smarts, he lacked coordination and before he knew it, he had tripped over his shoelace, and his papers like Emily's flew in every which direction. He seen the hint of a smile grace Emily's lips but it was gone as quick as it came.

"Are you okay there Reid?" She asked as he knelt down next to her to begin collecting his papers. The thought of leaving all the papers for her to clean and making a swift escape crossed his mind, but he quickly disregarded that idea. Maybe it would be a good idea to talk to Emily before they began the case.

"Ya, just tripped over my shoelace, I guess I wasn't paying enough attention." Emily just nodded, and silence fell over them as they sorted through the papers. Reid sighed. "Okay I guess I'm not okay, but I will be. I have been before. Yes this case will be rough, but in time I will put it all behind me like the last time." Emily just nodded again. Reid wasn't sure if she was indicating that he should go on, or if she was just ignoring him completely. He hoped it was the first, so he continued. "Look I'm sorry I ever said anything in the basement, but you caught me when I was vulnerable. If you hadn't asked we could be our normal selves right now, but it didn't work out that way. I'm not exactly upset I told you; it felt good to tell someone, to share my pain. I almost feel relieved. It's just the nightmares are back so I'm not sleeping and the less I sleep the more I think about it. And it's not just that, I could handle that, but the team is getting suspicious and now I'm getting distracted thinking of ways to keep it from them, and it is all just exhausting."

"You could tell them you know. They would understand."

"You mean like how you told them about Doyle?"

"That was different."

"How is that different? It's a part of your past that you're ashamed of."

"Reid there is no reason for you to be ashamed. It's not your fault."

"I invited him into my home."

"You were eleven years old Reid. You had the world on your shoulders. He helped you with your mother, something no one else would do. It's natural that you would have wanted him around, you needed a father figure. Don't ever blame yourself for this."

"I knew you would understand Emily. That's why I told you."

"The others would understand too Reid. Why can't you see that?"

"Because Emily they won't understand. I saw how Morgan was when he found out about you and Doyle. He was angry. And Rossi became overprotective and Garcia became scared. I don't want any of those things. I don't need another reason for them to treat me like a baby. I need to deal with this on my own, and I expect you to understand that."

"This case isn't going to be easy Reid, for either of us."

"I know, but at least we have each other right?"

"Right," Emily confirmed. Reid smiled at her as he stood up, his fallen papers collected. He walked past her as he exited the jet. Emily shoved the remainder of her papers in her bag and zipped it closed. Emily sighed to herself. This case hadn't even started yet and the team was already suspicious that her and Reid were hiding something, she wasn't sure how much longer it could go on. They worked with profilers for crying out loud! Who was Reid kidding? They couldn't hide this forever, but ultimately it wasn't her decision to make. Emily stood and made her way down the jet steps to see the rest of the team was already sitting in the black SUVS waiting for her. Day number one on the case, and her mind was already exhausted.

**Hey Everyone! So I know it's been eons since I've updated, life has been crazy busy. I did however find an old review in my email the other day that reminded me that I had this story on the go so I'm going to do my best to finish it up as fast as possible. This is just a bit of a filler chapter but the next chapter should be more exciting. Thanks for reading, and please leave a review :) As we know reviews are motivation!**


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